Where am I going?

Well As you know I have quit Alpha and I have signed up to be on the HOPE 08 team at church which seems to have alot of exciting ideas, its just waiting to see if any of them come about. I also just recently got a new job at work which is one I've wanted to do for ages. I felt that our company needed a trainer for ages and I have said so before but now they have actually created the role and I was successful and got the job. This will mean alot more commitment from me as I will be doing a lot more travelling and maybe have to stay over some nights during the week.

I know this is where God wants me to go because I prayed about it as I do most things and basically just asked that if the job wasn't for me that the door be closed on it but I got it so I believe God wants me there but why?? Well the answer is I don't yet know.

Haven't been to church for a few weeks, I haven't felt I could be bothered which is really crap because I still believe but just not motivated to get to church. I feel bad for not being motivated but I don't know which is better, not going to church because I'm not motivated or going to church because I feel that's what I'm supposed to do and I actually don't want to be there?
sometimes I like to go to the Cathedral just because no one there really knows me and I can just be on my own with God. Sometimes my boyfriend has come with me and I really enjoy that time because theres something nice about sharing God with another person your so close to. But I cant force him to go.

Really looking forward to breaking up from work this Friday and having time off. I am off until 3rd Jan then becuase I have booked holiday, I am having a night out with my mum and boyfriends mum and sis like a mum and daughters night, then a night out with my friends. I am having a nice meal with my boyfriend. Having sunday dinner at Dads, Dinner at mums. Christmas dinner at boyfriends mums house and then a day watching my boyfriend play football and then the drinks that go after and then off to dublin for New Year. I was going to say I'm looking forward to the rest but looking at that list there is no rest althought I am looking forward to it all.

Then return to work with a new job to look forward to.

Alpha

I have also decided that I don't want to be part of alpha on the next course. It starts in January but I feel at the moment that I am not motivated for it as I have done it for several years now and feel that I want a break from it. I also feel that I am going to have alot of things to commit to with Hope08 and don't want to burn out. Its nice sometimes to come home from work and have nowhere to go. I know that through Hope 08 I am going to have plenty of things that I'll be involved in. It's seems sad but I'm sure there are people within the church membership which would like to lead or help at alpha and never realised they had the opportunity because the same people do it every year.

My Brother

Well I prayed about it last night and then again this morning and what upsets me the most about the situation is I don't know when I will speak to my brother again? I asked God to work in this situation, help him not to be negative about what I said, not to think I was getting at him, I prayed that he may know God too and I continue to ask for him to have a Saul experience of God. I prayed that God my guide me in this situation too because I don't know how to deal with it.
I was expecting some sort of nasty reply from my brother but shortly after he replied just saying I didn't get what he was trying to say but he was glad he gave me an excuse to get all that off my chest and that we would leave it at that.
The reply could have been so much worse, not sure what he is thinking about what I wrote but I'll just continue to pray for him.
But since my initial pray last night I feel God is talking to me, different things have been apparent. Like a message saying 'don't let go' (this came from a blog by Brian Heasley) as in don't give up on him. Then 'we are without fault' (this from a friends text about Ephesians 1v4) I feel he's saying don't feel guilty for the message yesterday. Then a suggestion to pray for of acceptance and forgiveness (this came from Sacred space prayer) lots of good stuff!

My Brother

I have received an email reply back from my brother in reply to a circular email I sent everyone called 'darts test' its a christian related email. He response was not very positive as he is an atheist ( as he says himself) but it really irritated me the stuff he put. like:

people believe in a God or Higher power to put their life into some sort of order and once that's sorted they will stop believing in God.

This really annoyed me because most of his email was not in his own words it was words he had taken off a website he has suggested I look. Quite often he has made comments suggesting that I have been brain washed by people yet here he is quoting from someone else ( I'm not suggesting HE has been brain washed what I'm trying to say though is you should back up your beliefs with your own argument not something someone else has written.)

So I replied explaining that I could quite easily refer him to many Christian websites but that is to easy. I also pointed out that right now I am really happy with everything that I have been given and therefore in response to his argument why would I be a christian if I was trying to put my life in order. I have been a christian now for about 4yrs or so and during that time I have been happy. When I became a christian I wasn't looking for any order either!

I went on to comment about his lack of job and the fact that he has to get money of mum and dad etc and basically told him what I thought.

I do love him and I told him s in the email but he constantly upsets me for different reasons and I have had enough. So basically I told him that I didn't want to see him at the mo.

Now of course I feel bad, was it a very Christian approach to have? I am sure thats probably one of the responses I'll get from him too. Have I just made the situation worse? I don't know the answers but all I can do know is pray about it and see what happens.

London

Well went to London this weekend, had a really good time. Went into the center of London literally as soon as we got there and went to Piccadilly. Met up with my boyfriends friend and his girlfriend for Friday night so had drinks with them. Then Saturday went round London again looking at the sites. Went passed Big Ben, London eye, St James Park, downing street, Trafalgar square pretty much on foot I might add by the time we went to oxford street I could be bothered any more I was well tired from all the walking so no shopping. We then went for a meal at a Italian restaurant local to where we were staying on Saturday night. All in all we had a good weekend.